I’m still thinking about this book and I finished it weeks ago. It may not be good for me, but typically, I’m always thinking about the past. I think less about the future now that my children are grown (no more worries about something happening to me before they start adulting), but I mull over the past all the time and wonder what might be different now had I made other choices. I can’t get away from it. I try not to do it so much, but it still happens.
I connected with someone recently who was an important piece of my past and had the opportunity to really dive in and see what I thought I had missed. I knew it might not pan out, but I went into it older and wiser with an open heart and nothing to lose. The experience most definitely quieted the angst I’d felt for years and years about my relationship with this person. I felt like I’d crossed the western border into the valley of the past, like in this story, as a visitor, seeing earlier days through older eyes.
This book kept me paying attention, trying to make sense of how these valleys worked and the dangers of crossing the borders. In the opening chapters, I couldn’t determine if Odile was male or female and I wasn’t sure if that was done purposefully or by accident because a male author couldn’t relay enough information to the reader about how a girl would feel to help us to know her gender without saying “she.” In Part I, Odile’s secret trip to a shop to buy a bikini and her misgivings about wearing it in front of her peers, felt more aligned with the actions of a teenage girl, but in Part II, the ambiguity about her gender crept back in. I struggled with relating her behaviors and thoughts to those of myself and other women I know. Her work as a gendarme places her in a male dominated environment and while the author acknowledges the dangers Odile faces as the only woman living among men, the thoughts and actions assigned to her feel somewhat manish. Overall, she’s less emotional than a typical woman, able to block feelings and seems somewhat detached from others in general.
I was kind of enchanted with Odile and Edme’s relationship in Part I and the subtle humor they shared in conversation. Their exchanges were tentative and sweet and reminded me of the kind of talk shared with boys in my teen years. I loved how Odile became the keeper of Edme’s violin and the sweet anticipation of waiting for the hour when he would show up at her window. The book took a depressing turn in Part II and I got a little disappointed. I don’t need or want happiness to reign throughout a book, but Odile’s 36 year old life as a gendarme was dark and empty and she seemed resigned to it, like a prisoner who knows death is most likely the only ending to their confinement. Part I was like a stroll in the woods under sun dappled trees, but with a sense of foreboding. Part II felt like I’d wandered in too deeply where the trees are dense and dark and I wasn’t sure how or if I was getting out, until finally, I sensed light, as the author offered some hope for a better outcome. When Odile sees herself in the future, I felt as terrified as she did about what was coming for her and I fervently hoped she would do something to change it. When I realized she was going to make a run into the past, I rejoiced. From that point on, I was a fan and rooted for her wholeheartedly.
This story is such food for thought and left me pondering, without a solid sense of what Odile’s future will look like. It’s not an entirely comfortable ending, but I liked it. It left room for wonder. I marvel at my real life and how it changes and how things I couldn’t imagine happening, do happen, and I think, what would I have done if I’d seen my future 20 years ahead of time? What would I change and what would the consequences be? Better? Worse? This story leads us to believe that Odile’s changed her future for the better and I like that, but I’m not sure I understand what happened to the older Odile. Is the twenty years as a gendarme wiped out? If the 16 year old Odile could visit the 36 year old Odile in the east valley, would she see herself as Edme’s partner? As a mother of children? As a Conseiller? Is Alain a family friend instead of an alcoholic outcast? I’m as unsure about Odile’s future as I am of my own. Anything can happen.
I really enjoyed this story. If you’re a fan of speculative fiction, I recommend adding this one to your reading list.
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